Prefer to watch instead of read? This reflection is also available as a video — I’ll put the YouTube link at the bottom.
The old way works… until it starts costing you.
At first, it feels manageable. Even effective. The coping strategy, the performance, the way you hold it together. It gets you through. It helps you survive.
But eventually, the cost shows up.
For me, that cost first became clear in addiction and recovery. But it wasn’t only about drinking. It was about hiding. Performing. Constantly monitoring how I appeared to other people.
I remember waking up some mornings and doing a quick scan of my life. What did I say yesterday? Did I sound normal? Did I look okay? Is anyone suspicious?
Even on days I wasn’t drinking, I was still living like I had something to cover up.
The drinking was a problem. But the deeper problem was that I couldn’t relax in my own skin. I was always bracing. Always controlling the image. Always trying to stay one step ahead of being exposed.
Eventually, the old way of living started to collapse under its own weight. Not in one dramatic moment. More like a quiet realization:
This isn’t working. And I can’t keep doing this.
That sentence is where change begins.
Not with a five-year plan. Not with sudden confidence. Just honest recognition: this isn’t sustainable anymore.
And this is not only about addiction.
It can be a job that drains you but looks impressive on paper. A role you’ve outgrown but feel obligated to maintain. A belief system you’re still performing even though something inside you has shifted.
Any version of life where you’re more focused on looking okay than being okay.
If that hits close to home, you might also resonate with a related reflection I wrote about what it means to stop managing the image and simply let it be seen.
The old way may have helped you survive for a season. But sometimes survival mode becomes a cage.
There comes a point where the strategy that once protected you becomes the thing that traps you.
And the first step out is rarely dramatic.
It is usually quiet.
It sounds like this: this isn’t working.
So here is the question I am sitting with this week:
Where are you still trying to make an old way work, even though it is costing you?
If you’re interested in how this theme has shown up in my life, I share it in my upcoming memoir here: From Pulpit to Presence
Watch the video version on YouTube: When the Old Way Stops Working
Be well.
